I just finished reading the Circus in Winter.  A great set of stories that all weave together about a town that really does exist in the Midwest. As the book comes to a close it talks about there being two kinds of people in this world.  Circus people and hometown people.  Circus people are the folks that don't stay anywhere too long, can pack up the tents, load up the train and head to the next town without looking back.  They like the life on the road and enjoy the change in scenery.  Hometown people are the ones that lay roots, whether it's Queens or a town in Nebraska, they stay there their whole lives.  When I was reading this, I had one of those *ding* moments that I sometimes get with a book because there was such truth in that for me.  It's a mini-revelation and will definitely affect how I understand my own self - oh, this is because I'm a circus person! I've spent the whole morning thinking about my family; some are townies, some are carnies, I usually admire the carnies and don't understand the townies, and now I know why. Neither is bad, I just related more to one.  I'm a Carney at heart, it's where my wanderlust comes from, it's why I read books.  I've never lived anywhere for more than 4 years, and I get ansy if I'm in one place for too long.  I don't think of myself as having a "hometown" and since having children have become very aware of my desire for them to grow up in once place.  It dawned on me this morning that with this new house I've just bought, I'm trying to change my ways and turn myself into a homebody.  Or maybe, I'm trying to keep myself in check so my kids don't live the life of a Carney.

 I think the life of a circus freak, (feel free to insert amy is a circus freak joke here)  while romantic and amazing and certainly never boring is also harder.  I don't have friends that date back to my youth, I am shy in new situations but act bold because I'm used to being that new kid in school who gets presented in front of the class.  I wish I had more friends who knew me back when I was just me before all the other labels showed up.  I wouldn't change a thing about my life, it's too much of who I am, but I consciously decided that I didn't want my kids to grow up travelling from town to town, losing friendships, I wanted them to be townies, so they know where home base is - but even after living there for 2 months, I already think about where I might like to move once they are off to college.  I also realize that if the circus is in their blood, I they may turn out just like me and need to take off.  I can't wait to live vicariously through them (if they'll let me).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this except to say that this morning I had an "aha moment" and needed to put words to it.  I'm sure I'll come back to this post in a few months and think about it some more. From here on out, I will have a new dimension to think about when judging my decisions and actions - I'll understand better that it's because I'm circus people. I hope.