I had to run errands today with little Princess. This is not something I like to do because it takes for-ever but weddings were coming up and I needed to hit the shops. The first few stops were easy, I had purchased a ring pop, only mildly scolding myself for giving my child such sugary sweetness at 9:30am, and instead of doing the Sit. Down. Now. Now, I said. Little Miss Princess, SIT DOWN or no Dora. SIT DOWN OR I"M GIVING YOU TO THE NEXT PERSON THAT WALKS BY. I actually was able easily get what I needed. By noon I was feeling good - hit 2 stores, filled 2 carts, picked up the Harry Potter book with the hopes that I get a little reading in later today, and we're one to the final two stops.

I had prepped the last two by calling yesterday from work and purchasing what I needed. Knowing I would be with Princess, I figured I could just swing in, pick up and go. See I needed to go to Crate and Barrell AND Crate and Barrell outlet. I figured if I paid in advance, how long could it take to run in, pick up the purchases and run out. HA! HAHAHAHA!

Have you been in one of these things lately? I used to go all the time, I loved shopping at the outlet, it had great prices and my house had that cool crate and barrell feel at target prices. I hadn't been since the kids were born, and clearly forgotten just how silly it was to think I could survive with a toddler. You'd think they put up one of those height things at the entrances that says, unless you child is this tall OR so tiny they're strapped in a stroller, DO NOT COME IN. First, there are tons of displays that are lined up right to the edges so a little nudge will send the whole thing topiling. And the colors are great for toddlers, everything looks so cool, so fun to touch. I'd always like the look of the store as you go up to it - oohh, pretty. Princess thought so too as her ring popped finger slowly reached out to touch the.... PRINCESS (whisper yell) do.not.touch.anything.

Fuck, what have I done.

Ok, pick her up and walk directly to the register, hold her tightly so hands and legs are tucked in squarely at sides. Avoid glances of all the people who clearly don't have children who are giving me that what is she doing here look and hurriedly ask for my stuff. And wait. and wait. Now she's squirming, wants down, wants to reach out and touch the cool mini addison bowls. I agree they looked cool, I wished I could leave her in the car and take an hour and just look at things - its all SO on sale and Oh, I miss coming here, and oh wait, she'd die in this heat in the car (hey I got left in a car and I turned out fine), so must continue to hold her and pray the women comes back soon. Exactly 7 minutes and 3 near display knocking over avoidances later we get the bags. One problem. They are big and I need both hands to carry them which means I will have to put princess down and (deep ominious voice) let her walk through the store. In my head I heard the scream you always hear in those old scary movies. Thanks to some damn long fingers and some bag rearranging, I figured out that if I held the bags just right I could keep a hold of her hand and I carefully dragged her out of the store while avoiding dislocating the elbow or shoulder, which frankly, is damn lucky for her.

On to stop 2, and good news, on the way she falls asleep. I know, I should have stopped while I was ahead. It's a DUH Amy moment. But the trip took a little over an hour so I figured she'd at least have some rest. Yeah, she usually sleeps for 2 hours, and we all like to get woken up right in the middle of a good car nap right?

We fought for 10 minutes just to get her up and awake enough to come out of the car. We fought for 5 more minutes about her pacifier aka num num. I may be a bad Mom for not weening her off this sooner, but there was no way I was walking into a Crate and Barrell flagship store with a 3 year old with a num num in her mouth. Come on! Compromised on it going in my purse, but there was no comprise for me holding her. LIttle miss saw a cool display of the mercer platter and was determined to walk to it. Well we don't even get 3 feet in the door and she sees the furniture. This be-ut-ti-ful leather couch and she's up and on it bouncing. OH NO, it's post sleep, I'm still tired so i'n hyper Princess. I head over, sit down next to her, pretend like I'm actually interested in very expensive couch and then proceed to grab her arm in a death grip and pick/carry her to the register. Problem with this store is that there was a line. A rather long line. Looked around and realized they were all like that so we were going to just have to suck it up and stand still. Stop laughing. At no point did I think, hmmm, maybe do this another day, even smarter, let's call them from the cell in the parking lot and pay to have this stuff shipped. No what I thought was. God Damn it, this little princess is going to learn some manners. She's old enough that she needs to be able to stand in this line and behave. I'm an idiot.

The good news was that we were standing next to all the new silicon stuff. I covet that stuff. SO much better than the wooden spoon. Really neat colors, and some of it is so damn clever. So I decided that I would rather have the scorn of all around me and a quiet and content girl. (Note to fellow customers: it was just silicon stuff people and you should wash it before you use it anyway). We arranged and rearranged a lot of that display. I know people were not please with me, but I just kept thinking to myself, I can't wait until you're sorry ass gets knocked up and you can't come here anymore! We finally got to the front of the line, explained what was needed and began to wait. And wait. Princess started losing it, begging for her num num. People kept glancing over with the airplane glance. I almost stepped back and told this women (with beautifully manicured toes) have at it. But instead I picked her up and sat her on the counter and proceeded to play guess which hand with her num num for the next 8 minutes. I couldn't give in to have her sucking on it, but I figured if we played guess which hand then it would for the most part be hidden and she would be entertained. Finally came back with our stuff, and we made it out of the store safely.

I am tired now. I dont' think I've adequately explaining just how much glasswear, breakable stuff, non-kid proof those stores are. I was terrified the entire time that things would go crashing to the ground and I would have to race out of there for fear of having to pay for 30 broken white wine glasses. Thankfully we made it in one peice. Princess never went back to sleep so she's grouchy and tired and hopefully will go to bed without much fuss tonight. And I will open Harry Potter, and think for a moment of how great it would be to have wand beacuse today would have been much easier with a little witchcraft and wizardry.