No not thomas the train, it's me and my gas.  Oh my gosh I am dying today.  First of all my uterus is doing the magical expanding trick and I basically have enough room for a 30 week baby inside me, already my bladder is being pushed and my diaphragm is up under my rib cage.  But whats worse is that i have awful, bend me over and groan gas.  I cry with relief when I finally let one rip only to be doubled over again a few minutes later.  What's worse is that I'm constantly running to the bathroom at work because lets face it, I already stunk out the war room with my BO, there is no way I can fart up the place and still maintain any respect from my co workers.

 

Some of it is my own fault, as I'm coming up ton week 10 I'm starting to feel more human and food besides bread and heavy starches is appealing again.  So as I add lots of veggies and greens back into my diet I am also fucking up my insides because it just doesn't know what to do with all this roughage.  I think I'm going to have to go down and dirty and get some chili or something with beans to just force the freaking issue.  I have consumed so many tums in the past two days that I have eliminated all risks of osteoporosis and can actually hear my stomach fizzle from the calcium carbonate.  It didn't really help, I still need to toot toot and toot some more.

 

What's worse is that when I'm not at work I'm totally shameless, I don't care how much it turns hubby off, I'm leaning over that bed for added pressure and letting go.  Normally I try to be a little girlie and keep that stuff under wraps, but man, I'm desperate and could care less just how gross my ass smells.  Plus, can I tell you how many times we've been sitting on the couch and he lifts up one cheek for maxim reverb?  It's not like I've given him a dutch oven, although let me tell you, I could knock him out cold if I did.

 

Today I am leaving work early to work from home because I just can't get comfortable.  I have on regular pants and since there is not maternity give in the waste, it's totally cutting into my already gassy self.  I need to be in sweats, belly relaxed and the freedom to stand and fart as I damn well please.  You know the only reason I'm not totally embarrassed by all this is because it freaking hurts - no not the way labor does, but still its enough to distract me, and hey I'm pregnant, I get to do what I want when i want because otherwise you'll get another episode like the halloween photos and really, no one wants to see that again.