In addition to my little prince's birthday, I was presented with some really good news, and some really bad news - it's the kind of news that is extreme on both ends of the spectrum - the good is amazing, the bad is fucking awful, and right now I feel like a tornado is running through my life.  Even though most of you don't know me personally, couldn't pick me out of a lineup, I'm just not ready to write about either yet; sometimes putting words to stuff is when it becomes real.

 

The bottom line is this.  My life is a series of plans, I like to know where I'm going, what direction my family is heading and I feel most comfortable when the plan is known and we're on track. Right now my plans just got majorly fucked up with both pieces of news so I'm not sure what the future looks like right now.  Ok, I know, your never sure what's going to happen in life, but I assure you, most days i not only know what i think it's supposed to happen, I can tell you how it's going to happen.  Today i posses none of that information and it makes me very unsettled.  

I guess I should be grateful that my hubby, Mr. Anit-plan, is totally Ok in these moments.  Where I'm paniced and trying to reorder things to figure it all out, he's saying "babe relax, it will be ok".  Where I'm wrestling through options, going over every which way we can turn, he's saying, "we don't have to figure this all out today".  Usually in those moments, I snipe back "hello, we do! How the fuck do you think all the shit in our lives gets done - I HAVE A PLAN."  but today, I'm going with his advice, I need to just chill, let the dust settle and be ok with not having all the answers today.  

 

fuck I hate days like this.