I used to work in downtown DC.  I loved it.  I loved coming up to the city and seeing the capital sitting on a hill and knowing the power and authority the resided within it.  I loved driving by the Jefferson and seeing his shadow.  I loved the rhythm of the city, busy and bustling but not crazy like New York.  You could feel the power in that town, could feel the people at lunch who were ambitious and looking to get ahead, but they did it in a subtle way, real power didn't need to be flexed out in front of you, it ran like a current under the surface.  I miss working down there, talking walks at lunch and looking to my right to see the White House. I miss the ebb and flow of commuters getting on and off the metro, driving slightly out of control to get to work.

So why don't I work somewhere that I truly love?  2 reasons, the commute and terrorists.  See the commute was awful almost everyday. Whether you took the metro or you sat in your car, there was always something that messed it up - ice on the rails, accident on the bridge, you just didn't know what was going to come your way.  Some days I could get to work in 45 minutes, most days it was more like an hour and a half.  What was so frustrating was knowing that entire trip was 14 miles door to door. Just 14.  I wasn't coming from West Virginia (which some people do) I wasn't coming from outside the beltway, I lived 14 miles from my office, and it took me over an hour each way each day to drive.  Well, after 12 years, it was getting to be too much. 

What pushed me over the edge, though was something much worse than traffic, it was the fear of being trapped or hurt in a city when my kids were 14 miles away.  14 very long miles.  14 miles that takes me past the white house, the international monetary fund buildings, the state department and the pentagon.  Or 14 miles that takes me on a train under the city, over the Potomac, still past the pentagon, and finally home.  After 9/11 those of us that commuted downtown all became a little more vigilant.  Whose driving that white van?  Why is that person stopping?  Whose brief case is that?  For me, I realized that my fears were going to become paranoia and I would slowly drive myself crazy if I continued to commute into the capital of the nation that so many people seemed to hate.  I am bred to plan for the worst, be prepared for the unexpected, our family is full of contingencies for all kinds of crazy things, but I was spending that hour-each-way commute not only worried about being late but also "on alert" worrying about who might be leaving something behind on the metro, or who might decide today is the day to make my mark on the state department.  It just got to be too much.

When I got to work today, at my office in the burbs, I checked the news and saw the reports coming out of London.  I was so sad for those people, so angry that this is still happening, and also sad for those who were totally fine, but know that they're daily routines will never be quite the same again.  But most of all, selfishly, i was relieved. Grateful that I wasn't in DC, to know that today I wouldn't be anxious getting home, to know that I didn't have to worry about being trapped 14 miles away.