I have many vices but I realize one of my worst is my gluttony.  Food, you bet, if its good and I love it, I can eat until I feel like I just need to lay down for a while.  Drinking you bet, I was very scared by my cravings for tequila while I was pregnant. Sex - ok before kids I was a little horn dog. And work, fuggetaboutit.  I gorge myself with responsibilities until I'm drowning in work and I choke on it.  When my work load is manageable and I'm achieving work life balance I actually feel restless. 

 

Today I keep looking at my responsiblities and thinking I can do more!!!  If I want to advance, I can suggest taking on more work, then I'll get paid more, bigger bonuses and climb another couple notches on the corporate ladder.  So is that ambition baby or just plain stupid behavior.  Why do I think, maybe its time to start grad school, get that MBA when I'm holding a ten week old at home?  What makes me drive myself forward when I could just chill.  Its not just financially driven, its something much deeper and more in my personality. 

 

Trying to prove my worth to the world?  Maybe?  Driven to make myself a success and not ever have to worry about money like my folks did - yeah that's part of it.  But some of it, I think is just part of who I am.   My compromise is more work from home and less time in the office.  Still lots of hours but at least now the kids can walk by and we can take ten minutes to learn about letters on the keyboard and then they they go back to playing and I go back to working.  That's much better than water cooler talk anyday.

 

This week I need to decide if I'm going to ask for more work.  Maybe I can get a vomit bucket so if I choke I can at least spit it out before I just overwhelm my system.