Great news, I have a new job with the same company.  Same type of roll, same type of work, but actually more in directly in my field and for a woman who I think is going to be someone I truly enjoy working with.  We had a great conversation about driving business forward and sometimes getting in trouble because the passion to do the right thing and make a difference can get in the way of politics and individual agendas.  It is WAY to soon to tell, but is it possible that all of this craziness of the past week actually puts me in a better place?  I know for a fact I would not have sought out this opportunity because I felt obligated to work in that position for 2 years, I still had a year left before I made any type of move.  In a word, I feel lucky.

 

In the last organization I worked for, i was always very careful of good stuff because it was almost always too good to be true.  Like one of Pavlov's dogs, I have a conditioned response to be very guarded and wary of any change that excites me from the start - the fall down when it turns out to be a ruse has been way to damaging in the past.  But still, I'm an optimist, I believe in this VP and think she's made of good stuff.  I think part of it is also I underestimate myself and at times don't have enough confidence in my own skills and abilities - hard to believe with this ego huh?

 

I have a friend, we'll call Rico the Cuban, who really undersells himself - I mean Rico is amazing as a manager and totally doesn't get just how good he is at his job; meanwhile he staff would walk to the ends of the earth for him, and his work is excellent.  Sometimes Rico gets taken advantage of by our former employer and the people who work there who will climb on your back to advance their own self at your expense. I am not as bad as Rico, but only in that I hide all the self doubt behind my brash fuck you bravado.  I sat talking to this VP today thinking - how do you know this about me, we've talked twice but you're already assessing my strenghths and know that I can help you?  Why do you seem to beleive in me?  Now this is funny because when i interview people I can tell in 10 minutes flat whether or not I want them working for me, but I'm not such a good read on myself. I wonder if this is because of the damage wrought at the last company, or if I just have some fundamental issues that have formed through the course of my life that make me worry with self doubt and hunger for success?  Or is part of this because right now I want to cry with relief that I have a job and joy that I'm pregnant. Yes the prego hormones have already started to kick in, I cried watching the Amazing Race last night - why? Beats Me!

 

You must be sick of all of my drama by now - tomorrow I promise to share about the wedding i went to this weekend and all of it's tacky glory - yes the DJ did a Michael Jackson impersonation - even sober, i swear, this story will make you laugh so hard you may just pee your pants.  Oh, and by the way, did you see stayfree totally has come out with the women's whoopsees.  Being pregnant, this is a must have!  But, I swear they got this idea from me!