When you're a new mom you go through a period where you know your kids are going to be up in the middle of the night - pregnancy gets you ready for it by waking you up every 1/2 hour to pee. But, once they've grown out of it, when they do wake you up it's pure hell and in my case, I see a side of myself that's scarry. Why? I can be prone to physical violence and have to fight urges to severly spank my children which in normal waking hours would feel horrific, and worse, I actually slip into an alternate insane universe with manical laughing and a feeling of being diasociated from my body and I'm worried someday I won't be able to come out of it.

Both kids got up in the middle of last night which in a single "Mom" by the bedside ruined my sleep, made me oversleep my alarm, made me totally worthless at work, and made me stay late because I came in late. A Fuck yeah kind of Monday.

Punishment tonight, none of their TV, no special play time, and lots of time with me handling tears and rants because I must be the worst mom ever - yeah well stay in fucking bed and I'm a great mom!

Somehow a great weekend can all be ruined when the hours of 2am to 5am are filled with kids fighting, me giving in to letting them sleep in our bed only to have my hair pulled and my face slapped, then screaming by everyone, then finally they listening to them sleep while I consider getting up and going to work at 5am, getting up and leaving the house for at least a week, threating my husband with castration if he sleeps through another night like that one - WAKE THE FUCK UP BEFORE I KILL EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE.

When they were babies I could sit in the rocking chair with the TV on and fall back asleep even if they didn't - I always figured even if I did drop them it wan't that far to the floor.

Have you ever given your child a nightime cold medicine that brings on drowsiness when they weren't sick just to guarantee a full nights sleep - I haven't yet but feeling less and less guilty about it as an option.